Back to Sherwood
by squitteroo
Summary: The land is once again ruled by the evil Prince John, he of the thumb-sucking and the tyranny. Robin Hood and Little John are just one step ahead of the ruthless Sheriff of Nottingham. Can anyone help? What about these two strange travelers that showed up in a DeLorean?
1. Chapter 1

**1**

_Sure as day follows night, I reckon night follows day as well. Good King Richard, him who restored justice and dignity to this country…well, he didn't reign for more than a year before he took off on yet another far-flung adventure. That's all well and good for this Holy Grail he's lookin' to find, I suppose, but for us poor folk in Nottingham, it means more toil and hardship._

_Without his big brother's watchful eye, the rascally ol' Prince John slithered his way out of chains and back onto the throne. Once there, it didn't take him two shakes of a serpent's tail to get back to his old tricks: taxes for any that'd breathe and jail for any who'd bat an eye. Now the best among us – those who might stand against the Prince– are common criminals yet again. The good Friar, Lady Kluck, that one dog with a broken leg…all behind bars._

_And what about Robin Hood, champion of us little folk? Depends on who you ask. The children don't believe he's dead. They say that Prince John's proclamation is a bunch of malarkey, that a tattered green hat don't mean a thing, that if the Phony King really had killed Robin Hood, he'd have had the body displayed from the castle worlds._

_But poor Marian…she's not so sure. The last time I seen her, she was dressed in mourning, with a face that just 'bout broke my heart. "I haven't seen my husband in two months," she told me. "If he still was still alive, I know that no number of armed guards would be able to keep us apart."_

_Myself, I'm just trying to play my lute and keep my beak out of trouble. Secretly, though, I side with the children. Might be a touch foolish of me, but I believe Robin Hood's out there somewhere deep in Sherwood Forest, trying to figure out how to turn the tables the Phony King and rescue his True Love. _

_Oodelally._

"Rob, ol' buddy," muttered Little John, "we've had our laughs, but this might actually be the end of the road for us."

Robin Hood and Little John were perched on the upper boughs of a tall pine tree, trying to be skinnier. On the forest floor below, Prince John's army had the tree surrounded. Countless archers squinted and pointed, hoping for a clear shot of the two outlaws. Pachyderm foot soldiers collected dry brush and heaped it at the base of the tree, and the corpulent Sheriff of Nottingham himself carried the torch that would soon incite the pile. To Little John, it seemed a hopeless situation.

"I just wanted to say," John continued, his heavy voice tremulous, "that I consider you my very best friend."

"Hmm," said Robin, thoughtfully. "Well, you'd be in my top five list of good friends as well. Wait…six. Top five or six. Although…are we saying of all time here, or in recent years?"

"I'm being serious here, Rob," growled John. "This might be…"

"Oh, you're terrible at being serious, my good fellow. But if you can't manage to be merry, perhaps I can at least get you angry. That would serve us better in the approaching fight more than _seriousness_."

"Easy for you to say," said Little John, though a smile had returned to his face as well. "You're a much smaller target for those arrows." He ruefully patted his great belly.

Far below, the Sheriff raised his torch and looked up with a smirk. "Last chance, Robin Hood! Are you gonna come down and face us or are we gonna have to smoke you out?"

Robin gave a cheerful wave. "Oh hello, Sheriff! Didn't see you there…I don't suppose any of you chaps have a ladder?" At this, the archers fired another round into the trees above, but all arrows were deflected by the lower branches. "Now seems a good moment," said Robin, as the archers began reaching for their quivers. "Tally-ho, Little John!" And with that, he leapt off his sturdy bough, grabbed a spindly one, and let his own weight bend the branch down. He dismounted like a gymnast, landing on the head of a guard and relieving the creature of his sword.

"A pox on ya', Rob," rumbled John, whose considerable girth precluded any such maneuver from him. He began to lumber his way down, while Robin Hood, back against the trunk, attempted to hold off the entirety of Prince John's army by himself.

"KILL HIM!" howled the Sheriff. "Everyone attack the bandit!"

"My good chap," panted Robin, as he parried the blows of three foes at a time, "this hardly seems sporting. Can some of your men perchance be on _my_ side for a spell? Just for fairness' sake, you understand. I'll take the big ugly fellows over there…trust me, you won't miss them."

At this, four nearby Rhino guards glowered and began to charge. Knocking aside their comrades, the Rhinos converged on Robin, who awaited them with a smile on his face. At the last moment, Robin leapt up, swung himself around on a branch, and landed to safety. All four Rhinos collided with the old tree, and the trunk split with a resounding crack.

"Jiminy Christmas," said John, who was still only halfway down. The old pine creaked and complained as it teetered for a half-second. Then it toppled. John heaved his great bulk away from the falling tree and hit the ground rolling like a furry cannonball, scattering weapons, wagons, and Vulture Guards.

"About time," said Robin, tossing John a spear with one hand and blocking a thrust from a crocodile with the other. "I thought you were going to let me do this all by myself. No respect for punctuality…I'm dropping you to my top fifteen closest friends."

"Listen, smart guy," asked John. "Is escape anywhere in this plan of yours? Or did you only prepare a series of wisecracks?"

The two stood back to back as the army encircled them. Crocodiles leered, Rhinos lowered, and the Sheriff of Nottingham loaded a bolt in his crossbow. Robin shrugged and looked at Little John. For the first time that hour, his voice was serious.

"Little John, I know that Fate is not so cruel to deny me a chance to see my Lady Marian again. How we will escape, my good friend, I know not, but I have great faith in the power of love."

At this, an explosion of light tore across the forest sky. An enormous flying object, as shiny as silver, came hurtling at the army, lightning dancing across its surface. Only by flattening his flabby lupine body to the ground did the Sheriff avoid being struck by the speeding carriage. It hit the ground and spun into a patch of saplings and bushes, flattening some and getting horribly wedged between others. Stuck, the mysterious object made such tremendous roaring noises that even the bravest Rhinos covered their ears.

"Retreat!" the Sheriff gurgled in panic, but his terrified army had anticipated the order and was fleeing in disarray. Robin Hood and Little John took the opportunity to scamper away into the growth of the deep forest, crying "Long Live King Richard" as they departed.

In the space of a minute, the animals had cleared. The object tried one last time to free itself, with a furious roar and a spinning of its wheels, but it was no use. The bright beams streaming from its front died. A hatch opened upwards with a hiss, and out stepped an old man in a lab coat, who surveyed the landscape with alarmed eyes.

"Great Scott!" he exclaimed.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

_Ol' Prince John, he's always been a few cuckoos short of a nest, but that year of hard labor he did really threw his noggin for a loop. He's started dressing in armor and demanding to be referred to as "The Invincible." He threw an entire nursery into prison because he heard tell that one of the children called him paranoid. Can't say I blame the little tykes. Gone are the days where Prince John would parade his jewel-bedecked royal hide around. Now he doesn't let anyone near him, not even Sir Hiss, who's in prison with the rest. "Prince John the Invincible" spends most of his days in the royal castle, and when he ventures out, it's always with a full squad of troops around him._

_As for all the money he takes from us; well, we'll be darned if we know what he does with it. He doesn't spend it in Nottingham though, that's for sure. Coin keeps flowing into the pockets of the Sheriff and nothing ever flows back. Around town, we're back to the ol' barter system, but it's not so bad; Folk from Nottingham know how to help each other out. But I shudder to think what'll happen to the town when the next tax day comes and we try to pay in wheat and beets._

Dr. Emmett Brown paced around the forest clearing, tugging at his voluminous white hair. He tasted a leaf, spat it out, and resumed pacing.

"Damn!" he swore. "Damn damn damn!"

From the smoking DeLorean, a second figure emerged. "Doc," he said. "Where the hell are we? This isn't Hill Valley!"

"The question, Marty, isn't _Where _the hell are we, but rather _When _the hell.. well, yes, also I have no idea where we are."

"Aw, Doc," said Marty McFly. He was a short, athletic teenager, wearing jeans, expensive sneakers and an orange vest that looked like a life preserver. "Something always goes wrong when we use this thing! Why couldn't you just have paid that library fine?"

"Twelve dollars?" exclaimed Doc. "I could have _bought _the book for that! Besides, you wanted to go back in time too."

"Alright," said Marty. "Let's not point fingers. Let's try to figure out what's going on here. For starters, why does everything look like a damn cartoon?"

As they were speaking, a young rabbit in a blue tunic and tan hat came skipping along, singing to himself. No more than five years old, the rabbit child was oblivious to the presence of strangers until he collided with Doc Brown's leg. He looked up and his eyes filled with terror. The poor kit froze and barely managed to squeak out, "Puh-please..don't hurt me!"

Doc and Marty looked at the talking, fully clothed rabbit, then back and forth at each other. "Doc," asked Marty, "are we on LSD? Or dead?"

"Preposterous suggestions," said Doc Brown. "All brain activity ceases at the moment of death, and I swore off all drugs after my third trip to Woodstock '69. There's a perfectly rational explanation."

He knelt down and addressed the shaking rabbit. "Don't fear, little one. We mean you no harm. Your name is Skippy, isn't it? Here, Skippy, have a present." And he handed the rabbit a pen from within his pocket.

Skippy stopped trembling. He gave the two strangers a feeble smile, clutched the pen tightly, and hopped away. Marty shook his head. "So what's this perfectly rational explanation?"

Doc's eyes grew wider and he grinned an excited, slightly insane smile. "The flux capacitor was designed to navigate across the fourth dimension, but it's now clear that the field that it generates does more than temporal displacement. Somehow we've pulled ourselves free of our reality, entered Planck space, and travelled through the multi-verse. Marty, we are now living in a parallel universe; and from the looks of things, one that is identical to the 1973 movie _Robin Hood_!"

"Aw, jeez," said Marty. "I liked _our_ universe, Doc! Plus, how can you possibly know all this?"

"Don't be obtuse, Marty," said Doc. "Our surroundings are clearly drawn and painted, yet we can smell, feel, touch and taste them. That's not possible in our universe, so we must have left it. The following deductions were basic theoretical physics. As for the specificity of our location, how could you not recognize that adorable little hare? Didn't you watch _Robin Hood_?"

"I don't watch kid movies," said Marty, with a teen's juvenile bravado. "Doc, I'm not buying this. What are the odds we'd end up here out of everywhere in the galaxy?"

"Not everywhere in _the_ galaxy, Marty, everywhere in _every_ galaxy! Well, as there are infinite universes, the idea that one would perfectly parallel an animated movie is, mathematically, a given."

Marty picked up a nearby cartoon sword that a crocodile had abandoned and swung it through the air. "All this science is too heavy for me, Doc. I just want to know…how do we get home?"

"Well, Marty, in order to know that, we need to know how we got here. Tell me, what did you put in the Mr. Fusion generator to power our journey?"

"Lemme think," said Marty. "I think maybe an old Caramel Crunchy-town candy wrapper."

Doc's eyes, impossibly, grew even wider. "Caramel Crunchy-town? Is that the one that has the promotional gold-leaf wrapping?"

"I think so," said Marty, "but you know, Doc, there's no need to get bent out of shape, they're really not worth much."

"I'm not bent in any unusual shape, Marty, I'm telling you that it was the Caramel Crunchy-town wrapper that got us to where we are! How many times must I tell you: only put things in the Mr. Fusion with an atomic number lower than fifty! Do you how many protons there are in a single atom of gold alone?"

"Uhhhhhh…"

"SEVENTY NINE!" howled Doc, clutching at his head. "The number of bonds being formed, broken, reformed…we must have generated over **five hundred gigawatts** of electricity! I'm amazed we weren't cooked in our seats! And then the extra electricity must have altered the nature of the flux field so that rather than just navigating the fourth dimension, we escaped its orbit entirely!"

"Break this in to English for me, Doc," said Marty tersely. "Are you telling me that all we need to do to go home is to put some more gold in there?"

"Precisely, Marty! Of course, since we're still not certain how to navigate in the multiverse, we may just wind up somewhere less hospitable…"

But he broke off, for at that moment, a clever, foxy face popped out of the bushes and regaled the two time travelers with a smile.

"Pardon me," said Robin Hood. "But did I just hear you fine gentlemen say something about gold?"


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

_Well, my searching and wandering paid off. I found Robin Hood and his Merry Men, and durn if I didn't write a little song about it._

_Oh it's hard to be_

_Way down in a cave_

_Where it always seems_

_Like you're in a grave_

_But when you're thieves_

_Or scurvy knaves_

_Then your own hide_

_You have to save._

Robin Hood stepped out of the bushes, smiling as gallantly as ever but fixing the point of his sword directly at the two time-travelers.

"If you two dapper gentlemen would do me the favor of handing over all your worldly possessions, the good people of Nottingham would be eternally in your debt," he said.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," protested Marty. "No way am I giving you my Walkman!"

"Good Robin Hood," said Doc, as if he was talking to someone quite unfamiliar with the English language, "we are but poor travelers ourselves, merely trying to get by…"

"In a flying chariot?" scoffed Robin Hood. "In your fine silks and linens? Be serious, sirs. You are two spoiled nobles, joyriding with your contraption. I don't begrudge you a little fun, I really don't. But you _are _going to give your chariot to me," he said, his voice getting steely. "This is not a request."

"You can't do that!" declared Marty, swinging his blade around to face the fox.

"Well, I _am_ Robin Hood," said Robin Hood dryly. "And what I _do_ is rob from the rich and give to the poor. Hence…"

And with that, he dashed forward, swinging his sword in a sideways arc. Marty clumsily parried, and suddenly the forest was alive with the sound of steel on steel. Robin Hood pressed forward almost casually, keeping his left hand behind his back, while Marty attempted to swat away his strikes as if he was playing tennis.

"Doc!" Marty yelled. "What do I do?!"

Doc was frozen, slack-jawed. "I…I was so sure he'd be on our side."

With a powerful twist of the wrist, Robin Hood sent Marty's sword flying into the dirt. He leveled his foil at Marty's throat. "Yield," he said firmly, "and know that I shall use your gifts wisely."

"Rob!" came a low voice.

Marty looked at Doc. "Is that Baloo? Is Baloo in this?"

Little John came crashing through the underbrush, with Skippy the Rabbit following closely behind. "Ease up, Rob," the great bear said. "The kid here tells me that these two are all right. Said they gave him a present and treated him kindly."

"Precisely!" said Doc, gesturing frantically at Little John. "And we fully support your quest to depose the tyrannical prince and return the rightful king to the throne. Of course," he went on thoughtfully, "a representational government would really meet your needs better in the long run…"

Robin sheathed his sword cheerfully, as if it had not been pointed at Marty a second earlier. "Well, then come along then, friends! Let me introduce you to the Merry Men."

"Sorry about Rob," mumbled Little John to Marty as the group trekked through the forest. "I know he seems like he's just havin' fun, but honestly he's under a lot of pressure right now. Every night that good-for-nothin' Prince sends more soldiers into the forest lookin' for him, and as soon as he discovers our hideout, we're done for. And poor Rob is trying to take care of himself and the whole village at the same time…well, it's made him a little more reckless than usual. And that's sayin' something."

Marty, still adjusting to the idea of having a conversation with a bear, laughed nervously. "Hey, no problem. I'm used to unfriendly welcomes."

Robin Hood led the group to a small hill, covered with wet mossy rocks. "Somewhere around here…aha!" he cried. He pushed aside a boulder to reveal a wooden door that seemed to lead directly into the hill itself. "Follow me, everyone!" he cried, as he flipped open the hatch and vanished into the darkness.

"You're kidding," said Marty.

"Nope," said John. "Come on, small fry, if I can fit in there, you can."

Gingerly Marty eased himself into the hole. The tunnel was steep, and Marty found it easier to slide down the crumbling gravel than to risk trying to find a foothold. At the bottom of the path was a cave, far greater in size than Marty would have imagined. A roaring fire was the only source of light, and by the flames Marty could make out Robin Hood joining four other animals.

There was a clatter of gravel behind him as Doc, Skippy, and Little John slid their way into the cave. Little John brushed himself off and put a massive paw on Marty's shoulder. "Come on. Let's meet the gang."

"Ah, yes, introductions!" said Robin Hood, enthusiastically. He waved Marty and Doc over. "My splendid Merry Men, we have new companions. Meet…well, actually, I don't know what your names are."

"Dr. Emmett Brown, inventor of the flux capacitor," said Doc.

"Marty McFly, rock star," said Marty.

"Fantastic! Fantastic!" said Robin jovially. "At last we have a doctor in our group!"

"About time," said Little John, laughing. "My humors have been way imbalanced lately."

"And of course," Robin said to Marty, "you are welcome, too. I particular love your surname: 'Fly-Rock-Star.' Fitting, given your chosen form of transportation. But where are my manners?" He flung a furry arm around a squat, tough-looking bulldog. "This is Will Scarlet…an excellent swordsman and pugilist, and an even better chef."

"Hey," grunted the bulldog, lifting a paw.

Little John gestured to a rooster, strumming on a lute. "This here's Alan-a-Dale. Good for coming up with a ditty or seven."

He then pointed to a tall lizard who seemed to blend in with the rocks. "An' that there is Arthur. Ain't much good in a scrap, but he sure has a way of getting locks to open."

"I resent the implication," said the lizard, "that I am good at anything." He dashed over to Marty and Doc and warmly shook their hands.

"You'll meet Midge when she comes back," continued Robin Hood. He walked over to a weasel, who was staring at Marty and Doc with his arms crossed. "And this fine fellow is Shifty the Weasel. Shifty is the one who writes down all our secret plans in case we forget them later."

"You give all your secret plans to a guy named _Shifty_ the _Weasel_?" exclaimed Marty, dumbfounded. Shifty hissed at him, and Robin Hood frowned.

"Why should we not trust Shifty?" he asked. "He's been a member of this group for nearly a week now. It is _you_ whom we are taking a great leap of faith on. If you're going to besmirch the name of…"

"Let me talk to my friend," said Doc urgently. "He ate some funny mushrooms and he's been a little off." He hauled Marty out of earshot of the Merry Men. "Marty, you have to be more discreet!"

"Doc, are you kidding me? Look at that guy!" said Marty. At the moment, Shifty the Weasel was smiling evilly and rubbing his paws together. "Why would you possibly trust him?"

"Marty, don't you see? You and I recognize that a character's species and name directly impact their personality type; that's how these sorts of movies work. But those archetypes were created for our dimension; those who live in _this_ dimension just don't see things that way." He sighed. "We'll just have to keep an eye on this ruffian, without appearing overly prejudicial."

Suddenly, there was a clatter of stone and a squeal, and a short, plump figure came scuttering down the chute. It was a mole, and she seemed very excited indeed.

"It's ready!" she said, waddling over to Robin Hood. "We should head out as soon as it gets dark."

"Good work, Midge," said Robin. He paused and glanced at the two humans standing off to his side. "Still, it never hurts to have a back-up plan."


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

_The best-laid plans of foxes and lions…well…I reckon they go wrong sometimes._

* * *

Marty couldn't think of the last time he had been this cold.

He was on his hands and knees, crawling through a pitch-black tunnel that seemed to have no end. After nearly an hour – or was it a year?– of scrambling through the dark passageway, his hands were completely numb and his Guess jeans were completely stained with dirt. Ahead, Marty could barely hear the plodding of Midge the Mole, Will the Bulldog, and Arthur the lizard. Every time Marty thought about about taking a rest, he thought about the silence that would ensue if the rest of the Merry Men got too far in front of him, and he found the energy to keep crawling. In this world with no light, it was the sound that kept him sane.

Gradually, gradually, the tunnel veered upwards and the Merry Men's quiet chatter vanished completely. Just as Marty was starting to panic, he crashed into Will Scarlet, who had stopped.

"Sorry," said Marty.

"Shhh!" hushed the bulldog. "We're here!" Sure enough, Marty realized that he could see the movement of his companions, if vaguely; there was now as much light as in a gloomy basement. The tunnel was wider and taller here and the four travelers carefully straightened their backs as much as much as they were able. The ceiling, Marty realized as he hit his head, was made of wood slats, through which the tiniest amount of light was shining. They were now under a building.

"Arthur," Midge whispered. "Is anyone up there?" The lizard pressed his face close to the wood and flicked his tongue.

"They're asleep," he whispered, "but they're there. Robin must not have made his move yet."

"Then we wait," said Will, and they waited. Marty diverted himself by thinking of all the radical skateboarding tricks he knew.

Suddenly, from up above them, a bell clanged. "Rise and shine, lil' buttercups," came the Sheriff's yodel-y voice. "Robin Hood and Little John have been sighted in the town. Time to make ol' Prince John a new fur hat!"

At this, the wood slats shook violently, as the Rhinos, Hippos, and Elephants from the building above leapt up and began to arm themselves. There was a frenzy of noise for a few minutes, then the slam of a door…and then silence.

"No time like the present," said Midge cheerily. "Will?"

Will Scarlet hopped on Midge's back, and with a mighty paw punched through the wood slats above. Once Will had created a good-sized hole, the gang crawled through. Marty pulled himself up last, feeling grateful that he did chin-ups every morning in order to give himself Bon Jovi biceps.

The four Merry Men were now in a barracks. Enormous cots were neatly placed around the great space, and axes, spears and maces were messily strewn on the floor. A great fireplace contained the glowing embers that gave the room a reddish hue. Marty was confused.

"What are we doing here?" he asked. "I thought we were looking for gold. Are we going to prank them?"

"We're not here for gold, nor pranks neither," said Will gruffly. "Come on, we're wasting time." He led the group to the back of the room, where there was a stone staircase spiraling up. He put a clawed finger to his jowls. "There will still be some guards up there, so Arthur better go first, I think."

Marty expected the lizard to protest, but Arthur merely nodded, grabbed a truncheon from the floor, and started up the stairs. As he moved, his skin turned the same dark gray as the stone, until only his eyes and the baton in his hands were visible. Marty was thunderstruck by the effectiveness of Arthur's camouflage and had to remind himself that here, cartoon physics ruled supreme.

As the pack of bandits climbed higher and higher, they heard a pair of folksy voices casually chatting.

"I tell you, Nutsy," said one. "We ain't never gonna get no sleep around here at this rate."

"Don't point that crossbow at me, Trigger," said the other. "I don't trust that there peashooter."

"Stay back," whispered the silhouette that was Arthur. It disappeared upwards, and a few seconds later, the group heard twin squawks and thumps. They ventured up the stairs a little further, where they saw two vulture guards, out cold. Arthur, now back to his usual green color, was peering intently at a great steel door.

"Not too bad," he muttered, mostly to himself. He procured a pin and wiggled it with precision in the keyhole. After a few minutes, there was a click, and the great door swung open. The group of marauders stepped over the unconscious bodies of the vultures, through the doorway…

And into a prison.

Marty mouth gaped as he looked around. The room was filled with cells and nearly all of them were full: rabbits, squirrels, badgers, door mice, dogs, cats, and one skunk who appeared to be the only prisoner with a cell to himself. The inmates cheered as Arthur entered the room and took a flashy bow.

"Who's ready to get out of here?" he called.

"Shut up, Arthur, you nitwit," growled Will Scarlet. "Don't get 'em all riled up. We'll need this to be orderly."

"Ok, he's right," said Arthur casually, and the menagerie settled down. "We'll get you all out of here, but we need to be as sneaky as we can." With that, he turned his attention and his lock-pick to the first cell and began trying to pop the lock, as the animals inside watched eagerly.

"What's that in the back?" asked Midge, pointing to a sturdy door festooned with locks. "If it's that important to P.J. to be kept secret, I say we make it a top priority."

"I'll get to it," said Arthur, as the metal bars of the first cell popped out, and a grateful kitten, aardvark and snake came pouring out. "But we don't want to ignore these fine people of Nottingham, just so…"

He stopped abruptly, and his scaly green skin turned white. "They're back," he whispered.

"What?" said Marty. "Robin Hood said he'd buy us at least an hour!" But as he spoke, he could feel the floor shake with pachyderm footsteps.

"It's a trap!" yelled Will. He slammed the steel door and locked it, then turned to Marty. "Time for plan B, kid. Make the call."

Marty pulled a walkie-talkie from his back pocket. "Doc!" he yelled. "We're compromised! Get us the hell out of here!"

"Great Scott, already?" came Doc Brown's crackling voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can!"

As Marty put the walkie-talkie back in his pocket, the door shook violently. "Open up in there!" came a low, fierce voice. The animals in the cells started to panic, but Will calmly walked over to a window and ripped out the metal bars. Outside, only stars were visible.

"Alright, those of you we busted out," he called, "we're escaping through the window. Everyone else, we're very sorry, we'll be back for you as soon as we can."

"Essssssscape through the window?" came the refined voice of the snake whom they had freed. "Ssssssir, are you mad? The fall will ccccccccertainly kill usss."

"It's alright," said Midge, soothingly. "We have a ride."

In the frame of the window, the bright headlights of the DeLorean were suddenly visible. "I'm here!" came a cry over the rush of wind. "I'm here!" Marty, relieved, saw the hatch of the car open up and Doc Brown waving for him to come aboard.

"It'll be just a bit of a jump," said Arthur to the shaking prisoners. "Here, I'll show you." He slithered up to the window, and hopped into the passenger seat of the DeLorean.

"I don't know if I'm fully capable," began the snake, but Will had no time for words. "C'mon, you great worm," he snarled. The bulldog grabbed the snake by the neck and jumped into the car as well. Midge helped the elderly aardvark across the gap, and then it was just Marty and the grey kitten left.

"I'm scared," said the kitten timidly, clutching his paws to his pink nose. Marty was almost nauseated by the intensity of the cuteness.

"Uh, it's ok," he said awkwardly. "Here, I'll help you." He picked up the kitten and held him out the window. Midge took the tiny cat in her arms and pulled him to the safety of the car. At that moment, a large rock fell from the heavens and cracked the windshield of the DeLorean.

"What the hell!" exclaimed Doc Brown, as all the animals packed into the car craned their necks around to see where the attack had come from. Midge spotted it first.

"Vultures!" she cried.

A squadron of vultures had descended on the DeLorean, carrying rocks, logs, throwing axes and crossbows. Marty ducked away from the window as the projectiles went whizzing by.

"Try to make it, Marty!" cried Doc Brown over the squawks and thuds. "It's only a matter of time before a lucky hit disables the hoverdrive!"

And, sure enough, even as he spoke, a large rock crushed a fin panel on the back of the car, and the DeLorean began to plummet. The hoverdrive sputtered and sparked, but all it could do was slow the descent of the car, which fell jerkily into the darkness. Marty stared into the night sky, unable to accept that his hope for rescue had disappeared.

"You were very brave," said a fat, balding badger dressed up in monk's clothing. He sighed. "Bravery, it seems, is worth less than it used to be."

It was several minutes before the Rhinos broke the door down. The club aimed at Marty's head looked cartoonish but, in the painful second of consciousness before darkness ensued, it felt real enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

_The thing about tyrants is, they do their best to make True Love hard to come by. I reckon True Love makes people a little less afraid, and what scary-cats want is for everyone to be as afraid as they are._

* * *

Marty slowly regained consciousness and realized that he was still freezing.

"Doc!" he shouted, sitting up with a lurch that made his head spin.

"There are no doctors here," said a quiet, refined voice. Marty looked around, his eyes struggling to adjust to the low light. He was in a dark stone room lit by a single candle sitting on a dresser. Near the candle, a veiled, robed figure was sitting on a small, dingy bed. The room had no windows, and the only door was sealed with thirteen elaborate locks. Marty realized he was still at the top of the prison tower, in the back room separated from the rest of the inmates.

"What's your name? And what crime did you commit?" asked the seated figure.

"I'm Marty McFly," said Marty. "I was trying to free the other prisoners, and I got caught."

"Noble of you," the other said kindly. "I'm Marian."

As Marty's eyes got used to the low light, he could see his cell mate more clearly. She was a vixen, wearing a long black dress, and a veil that obscured much of her face. She had a dull gray blanket wrapped around her shoulders, in a futile attempt to keep the night's chill at bay. "I'm in here for being family," she said bitterly. "The Prince is my uncle. He said he'd keep me up here to keep me safe, but I thought he'd let me out now…now that…"

At once, she broke into tears, putting her face in her hands and sobbing. Marty, who had never been very comfortable with emotions, felt at a loss for what to say. "Oh, uh, it'll be ok. My uncle Joey has been in jail for most of his adult life and he's…well, he's in very good shape. Physically."

"I'm sorry," said Marian, lifting up the veil to wipe a tear. "I'm…I'm newly widowed, and I keep…remembering things…"

"Oh! Gee, that's rough," said Marty awkwardly. "I mean…I'm sure he knew how you…uh, how did your husband die?"

Marian looked up, and her brown eyes were piercing in their anger. "My uncle, of course. Cut off my husband's head for being a traitor. As if that pretender had any real claim to the throne!"

Marty's shook his head; then a burst of nausea made him wish that he hadn't. "Aw, jeez, I'm sorry. Um…let me know if there's anything I can do. I mean, not that there's much I can do, being locked up and all, b-b-b-but I can st-st-still–" He broke off as his teeth began chattering furiously.

"It's just nice to have someone to talk to," Marian said. She looked at Marty intently. "Are you shivering? You poor dear! Here, take this blanket, I'm fine."

"I'm f-f-fine too," said Marty stubbornly. To show how fine he was, he stood up, noticing as he did so that his ankle was chained to a large and heavy ball. Being upright made Marty's head swim – he wondered if he had a concussion – so he leaned against the cold stone wall. As he did, he heard a crunch from his back pocket and realized that his walkie-talkie had been destroyed when the Rhinos had attacked.

"Aw shit," he said. He took out the pieces, but the device was clearly beyond repair. "This thing was our best hope getting out of here." Realizing that he sounded very negative, he added, "But I'm sure we'll think of some other w-w-w–" He was unable to get out the last word before he began coughing furiously.

Marian stood up. "This is ridiculous, Marty. I'm not going to have you die over some minor bit of chivalry." Firmly, she took him by the hand and sat him down on the bed. Sitting next to him, she draped the blanket over both their shoulders. "There, that's better."

Marty did indeed feel warmer almost immediately, though some of that, he thought, was due to embarrassment. "Hey, thanks." The two sat in silence for a long while, and Marty searched for something to say.

"Hey," said Marty eventually, his voice creaky from disuse. "Do you like music? I have a Walkman…er…I have a device that plays music."

Marian looked at him curiously. "Do you mean a lute? Or is it more like a fife?"

"It's…here, I'll just show you." He got out his Walkman and cranked the volume up as high as it would go, so that they both would be able to hear without putting the headphones on. He hit play and the tinny sound of REO Speedwagon leaked out.

"I can't fight this feeling any longer," sang the singer, as the piano slowly played. Marty, who had been expecting wailing guitar solos, was startled, until he realized that inside the walkman was a mixtape he had made for his last cabin trip with Jennifer. Suddenly, he felt absurdly guilty.

"Sorry," he muttered, "this song is the worst. I'll stop it…"

"No, keep playing," said Marian, entranced. "This is incredible, beautiful…how are you doing this?"

She turned her eyes from the Walkman to Marty's face, looking exhilarated and suspicious at the same time. "Is this real?" she asked cautiously. "I've heard that, in prison, the mind can…are _you _real?"

Marty's mouth seemed to have a hard time finding words, and he suddenly wasn't even sure how to answer her question. Her eyelashes were very long. "I think," he began, although he felt like he was thinking very slowly.

"I feel like I already forget where I'm from, you know? And this is pretty heavy, being here and all, and I was just trying to help out that kitten, and I don't even usually listen to REO Speedwagon."

"I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might," howled REO Speedwagon.

Marian appeared not to have heard Marty's inelegant monologue. She reached across and gently took his hand in hers. She smiled at him, but there was a hint of a frown in her eyes as well; she appeared to be struggling to decide something.

"You know," she said quietly, "you remind me of someone that I used to know."


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

_As a musician, you tend to miss out on some of the adventures that happen. Still, someone needs to stay behind and watch the young 'uns…and to tell them tales of great and glorious victories, if and when they occur._

* * *

Sketchy the Weasel walked through the phalanx of Rhino guards that was a permanent fixture of Prince John's dimly-lit waiting room. He approached the enormous oaken doors and knocked firmly.

"What's the password?" came the Prince's voice.

"Prince John the Invincible is Ruler of England for life, long may he reign, his brother Richard is stupid and poops in a diaper," said Sketchy in a single breath.

The Prince's wary eyes appeared in a peephole, eyeing the newcomer. "Sir Sketchy? Is that you?"

"It is, my liege," said Sketchy, bowing low. "I come bearing good news."

"Prrrroceed!" said the Prince grandly. There was the scraping of many heavy locks being moved, and the heavy doors slowly swung open. Sketchy stepped inside. The throne room, which in years past had been littered with coin, was now austere and Spartan. Hollow suits of armor and paintings and tapestries depicting the Prince in battle were the only decoration.

Prince John had repositioned himself on his throne. He was wearing a huge steel breastplate that dwarfed his narrow frame, and his leonine face was partly obscured by a gaudy helmet.

Sketchy bowed again. "Your Invincible Highness, the trap was a success. One of the Merry Men was apprehended."

The Prince scowled. "_One _of the Merry Men captured? I was expecting all of them!"

"Their flying chariot gave them another escape route besides the one we cut off," explained Sketchy. "But our guards disabled it. It won't be flying again."

"Very good," purred the Prince. "I had dreams of flying once, you know. Back when I was young, I used throw rocks at pigeons, jealous of the effortlessness it took them to ascend to the skies. But of course, Mother said that I mustn't…" The prince tried to suck his thumb, but the mouth-guard of his helmet blocked the thumb's path.

"Um…as you say, your majesty," replied Sketchy. "I should tell you that a very few number of prisoners escaped. Nobody of note. A mere child, an old fool, and that worthless coward Sir Hiss."

"WHAT!?" exclaimed the Prince, jumping to his feet. He grabbed a mace from a nearby weapon chest and began swinging it around furiously. "You idiot, you nitwit, you blundering nincompoop! Do you have any idea how dangerous Hiss is to us? How much he knows?" He rushed at Sketchy, slamming the mace down as the weasel hopped out of the way.

"Your grace!" protested Sketchy. "Your grace, all is not lost – YIKES!" he squealed as he dodged and ducked the Prince's attacks. "If what you say is true, perhaps now is the perfect time to seize their base. I can show you exactly where it is. If we move now…"

"Yes," said the Prince, his rage subsiding. "Yes, what a perfectly prescient and punctilious plan. Send every troop we have: every archer, every foot soldier, every knight. Tell them to spare no one." He set down the mace and limped back to the throne. "Do you know, Sketchy, I believe I pulled a muscle in my back just now."

Sketchy had little sympathy for the Prince's back pain, but one did not say such things to royalty. "My apologies, your majesty. Oh, one final note. The strange travelers who brought the chariot…one of them has joined our ranks. He was looking to earn some gold, so I gave him a job guarding the prison. It seemed to me that we needed some extra muscle, given Trigger and Nutsy's incompetence."

"Splendid," said the Prince. "At some point I would like to meet one of these specimens. Perhaps, when the demise of my enemies is complete. And how gloriously soon that will be, Sketchy! How soon will I have the hides of Robin Hood and Little John decorating my throne room!" The Prince let out a cruel chuckle.

"AH ha. AH ha."

* * *

Doc Brown drove his DeLorean up to a grove of trees, and the somber passengers filed out.

"This is as close as I can drive to the hideout," Doc said. "I'm going to try and fit the hoverdrive so that we can fly again. Of course, since you're unlikely to have supplies of carbon boronium nearby, it's probably futile, but…"

He trailed off and looked regretfully at the directly from which they had come. Silently, Midge, Arthur, Will, and the three rescued prisoners left Doc behind and slipped into the forest. They headed towards the base, the crunching of leaves and the whistling of wind the only sound. Suddenly, Arthur froze.

"Someone's approaching," he whispered. He whistled the first phrase of a melody so cheerful that it could incite a hamster to dance…and then breathed a sigh of relief when the tune was echoed back. In a minute, Robin Hood and Little John stepped into view. Both of their faces fell when they saw the small group.

"Is this _it_?" exclaimed Little John. "Where's Friar Tuck, Lady Kluck? Where's Marty? Where's…"

"Where's Marian?" asked Robin Hood, devastated.

"We've got some questions for you, too," said Will Scarlet gruffly. "You told us that you'd keep those guards distracted for at least an hour, but 'twasn't five minutes before they were breathing down our necks."

Robin Hood shook his head. "I was making a huge ruckus outside, but soon they just stopped chasing me. They must have known you were there."

There was a sad silence, then Midge said brightly, "Well, it wasn't a complete failure. Little John, Robin Hood, this" (here she gestured to the kitten) "is Timmy, and this" (here she gestured to the aardvark) "is Mortimer. And this fellow here…"

"I know you, buster," said Little John. "Your name is Hiss and you used to be at our throats like a dog with a bone."

Sir Hiss gulped visibly and looked around at his unfriendly rescuers. "I've turned over a new leaf, as you'll ssssssssee."

"Talk is cheap, long one," said Little John menacingly.

"No, really!" protested Sir Hiss. "I can tell you a sssssssecret entrance into the cassssstle. From there, you can steal all the treasure you could ever dream of."

Arthur laughed. "Alright! Looked like I picked the right cell to spring."

Robin Hood admonished him with a look. "Is gold all that is important to you? For shame! We cannot think of treasure until those we love are freed from prison."

"We haven't forgotten them," said Midge. "But listen, Robin. Right now the prison is swarming with guards. They'll have figured out our tunnel by now, and they're going to be alert. If we listen to Sir Hiss, we can steal the Prince's treasure and use it to ransom the prisoners."

"She's right, Rob," Little John agreed. "The prison's going to be too hot for a spell. Let's go back to the hideout, make a plan…"

"MAKE A PLAN?" Robin Hood said furiously. "For weeks now we've been making plans, substituting trickery for bravery, cowardice for courage. And for what? So my lady love could wait in a cell while I try to scrounge for gold? I should have led the charge into the prison myself. I will _not_ make that mistake again." Eyes blazing, Robin Hood walked briskly away from the group and disappeared into the dark forest.

"Robin!" yelled Little John. "ROB!" He turned to the others. "I'll talk to him. I'll meet you guys back at the hideout as soon as I cool Rob down." With a wave of goodbye, Little John waddled after his friend.

Arthur raised an eyebrow sardonically and patted the old aardvark on the back. "As you can see, the leadership in our rebellion is second to none."


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

_"And that," I told Skippy, "is the story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight."_

_ "Wow-ee zounds!" said Skippy. "Can you tell me another one, Mister Alan?"_

_"Not right now," I responded, putting a pot of water over the fire. "The adventurers are coming back, and they'll want breakfast. I'm trying to make this cave feel as homey as I can, you know?"_

_Sure enough, in just a few moments, there they were, Midge, Arthur, Will and three newcomers, crawling down the tunnel and takin' their places by the fire that Skippy and I started. Boy, I tell you, the old tales I was telling Skippy were pretty dull compared to the ones that Arthur started telling about last night's escapades. _

_He told us 'bout the prison break, and the chariot that lost the power to fly. He told us 'bout Little John chasin' Robin Hood through the forest trying to talk sense in him. By the time he was finished, I have to admit I was feeling a bit down._

_"Things are bad," Will said, shakin' his jowls._

_"What's going to happen to us?" asked the little kitten that came in with the rest…Timmy, I think his name was._

_"Tomorrow's a new day," said Midge. "Sir Hiss here is going to show us how to break into the castle."_

_"Ahem…yes, I did say that," said Sir Hiss. "But I was hoping to TELL you how to get in, rather than SHOW you. You see, the Prince no longer cares for me…"_

_"That must just break your heart," said Arthur, helpin' himself to a bowl full of porridge. "Me and the Prince are bosom buddies. He keeps inviting me to dinner. 'Course, I think he means for me to be on the menu."_

_"The Prince and I are friends, too," said Will slowly. "We both like swords. He wants to hit me with a sword."_

_There was a short silence where none of us knew how to respond. Then Arthur burst out laughin'. "Will Scarlet, did you just try to make a joke? Oh, bless your heart, my good sir, I wish you would joke more often. You truly missed your calling when you became a swordsman…you should be a court jester!"_

_"Shut up," said Will, but his sturdy jaw betrayed a proud little smile._

_"We should all rest after breakfast," said Midge. "If we're going to keep on striking the Prince at night, we'll have to sleep during the day."_

_"I'm not tired," said little Skippy. He waved around his small bow and arrow. "Midge, PLEASE can I go on this mission? I'm getting to be a better shot!"_

_"I don't think so, Skippy," said Midge. She looked at me and winked. "Besides, you need to stay here and guard this poor old rooster, see that he doesn't make himself too sad with all his songs. Keep asking him to play –" _

_She stopped mid-sentence as a large chunk of dirt fell from the cave ceiling and landed in her porridge. Then she wrinkled her nose. "Huh. That's funny."_

_But it wasn't too funny a second later when the cave started shakin' like we were inside a mighty drum. Great pieces of soil and rock started to shake themselves loose from the walls and ceiling, fillin' the air with dust. I had no idea what was happenin', but Will figured it out soon enough._

_"Rhino guards above!" shouted Will. "They're trying to cause a cave in! Midge, can you dig us–"_

_"Not in time!" yelled Midge, and I knew from her voice that we were in trouble. "That's got to be twenty tons of rhino jumping up and down above us. We've got to make a run for it!"_

_We hustled towards the exit. As we filed up towards the tunnel, I noticed that the old aardvark was still sittin' and starin' into the dusty remains of our fire. I turned around and put my hand on his shoulder._

_"Come on!" I said. "We've got to get out of here!"_

_The aardvark shook his head. "I ain't following heroes anymore. I did more running last night than I ever intend to do again. And if the roof above collapses…well, at least that'll save some poor soul the trouble of burying me."_

_Seeing that he was in earnest, I left him and crawled up the tunnel with the rest. It was a tricky business, crawlin' up a steep, eroding tunnel as the ground shook, but I managed it, and pulled myself through the hatch and into the sunlight, lookin' around wildly for a place to flee._

_But there were none to be found. Instead, surrounding and covering our little hill were enemies as far as the eye could see. Hundreds of rhinos, crocodiles, wolves, elephants, hippos, vultures all starin' us down, weapons drawn._

_Will Scarlet drew his sword. "Our last stand!"_

_"No," said Arthur, looking at Timmy and Skippy. "There are children with us."_

_"We yield!" called out Midge, throwing down her dirk. "We surrender!"_

_From behind a pair of hippos stepped Sketchy the Weasel. His eyes were bright with hatred and cruel enjoyment. "Traitors to the crown get no quarter," he snarled. "Open fire!"_

_There were a hundred sounds of snappin' and hummin'. Slowly, ever so slowly, I turned my head, trying to understand the noises I had heard. _

_Will had sat down heavily and I thought he was holding several sticks. Arthur, Midge, Skippy…all doing the same…Hiss tryin' to slither away but trapped by his own tail…the kitten fallin' over into the mud…and then I was aware of my own vision blurrin' and I swung my hand as if to swat away a fly and hit somethin' hard and was finally aware, after this eternal half-second of confusion, that my friends and I were all filled with arrows._

_I am a vain creature for, as darkness overtook me, my last thoughts were not for my fallen comrades, nor for the death of liberty…but of my own song lyrics._

_"Can't there be some happiness for me?"_

_"Not in Nottingham."_


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

In the barracks beneath the prison, the Sheriff of Nottingham was giving the troops an inspiring pep talk.

"Crime-a-nittly, you corn-fed rock-brains! Prince John wants _everyone_ out in the forest, so getcher move on! Move, consarn it!"

"Durrrr, we didn't get no sleep last night," grumbled a hippo.

"Orders are orders, blubber-belly," said the Sheriff. He cinched his belt with considerable difficulty and put his sword in his scabbard. "Everyone finally ready? Good! Now here's what's gonna happen–"

But what was supposed to happen, the troops in the barracks never did find out, for through an open window sailed a lumpy brown object. It split when it hit the ground, oozing honey, and out poured a dark swarm of…

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" The animals panicked as the cloud of bees enveloped them. The Sheriff tried to run, tripped on the shaft of an axe and went down hard, knocking himself unconscious.

As the guards of Prince John hid, swatted or ran in circles, Robin Hood kicked in the front door. He strode into the melee, hopping over weapons or prostrate rhinos as necessary but mostly unwavering in his course. None of the bees, of course, dared to sting him, and none of the guards could focus on anything but the onslaught of stingers. Robin Hood knelt at the Sheriff's still form and snatched the keys off his belt. Then without a glance backwards at the chaos he had created, he ascended the spiral stone staircase.

"Wh-who goes there?" said a voice at the top. A crossbow bolt fired and ricocheted down the steps, but Robin caught it with one hand and broke it in two. When he turned the final bend, he saw the two vulture guards, one holding a spear in trembling hands, one furiously trying to reload his crossbow.

"None shall pass!" said the one with the spear. Robin Hood smiled indulgently.

"I imagine you two are rather tired of being hit on the head. What say we skip that part? If you two pretend to be knocked out, we shall all be saved some pain and effort."

The two guards looked at each other, then flopped over dramatically, eyes closed.

"Splendid performance," said Robin. He placed the key in the lock and slowly opened the great door. Inside, his eyes found Friar Tuck, Lady Kluck…but where was Marian? Cautiously, he stepped inside.

"Robin, behind you!" shrieked Lady Kluck, just as a tall figure stepped from the shadow of the doorway and stabbed Robin in the back.

Robin whirled clumsily, the dagger still stuck between his shoulder blades, and he stared at the face of his attacker. A huge creature, he reminded Robin of the newcomers to the forest – the same pink hairless face, the same hair on top – but this fellow was larger and more muscular than either Marty or Doc, and he had an expression of contempt that Robin had never seen in the other two.

"What are you looking at, BUTTHEAD?" asked the man.

"Have you no honor?" Robin Hood asked weakly. "You attacked me from behind…"

"Hello?" said the attacker as he lifted Robin up by his shirt collar and rapped him on the head with his knuckles. "Anyone home? Think, fox-man! If I attacked you from the front, you might have fought back. See, unlike you, I use my head. I used my head to sneak in the trunk of the DeLorean so I could steal it. I used my head to find the only person with power in this stupid Looney Tune world. And now I'm gonna collect some gold AND the DeLorean from the Prince…two for the price of one!"

He carried Robin Hood over to the foreboding hole in the wall, through which the morning sun was shining. Over the man's shoulder, Robin Hood saw the other door, the one with the thirteen locks and at that moment he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that beyond that door lay his True Love. How cruel it was, he reflected, that just a few pieces of metal could keep them apart: the steel that made the door, and the steel embedded deep in his back.

"Why don't you make like a tree," said the man, "and die?" And he flung Robin Hood out the window.

It was a very long drop. Robin Hood had time to die before he reached the ground.


	9. Chapter 9

**9**

Doc Brown finally found Little John at dusk. The great bear was sitting at the side of a lake, watching insects dance. A shovel lay at his side.

Doc parked the DeLorean in the grass and hopped out. "Little John, thank goodness! I've been avoiding royal troops all day; the forest is thick with them! We must warn the others!"

"There are no others." Little John did not turn away from the lake. "I buried him, Doc. I wasn't there in time to save him, but at least I showed up in time to…to pick up the body." He lowered his head into his hands and let out a mighty sob.

Doc felt his stomach clench. "Marty?"

"No, your friend is safe in gaol, as far as I know. But everyone else…" John turned his teary face to Doc at last. "Doc, everyone else is dead."

"Great Scott," mumbled Doc. He wandered to the DeLorean and steadied himself against it with hands outstretched, as if blind. Fumbling with his keys, Doc popped open the trunk. He pushed everything out of his brain – grief, panic, guilt – in a single-minded pursuit of one particular object. Wildly he shoved around the flotsam of the trunk: an old Popular Science magazine, Biff Tannen's Nehru jacket (why was that there? Doc fleetingly wondered), a bulging but oddly light duffel bag, a Twinkie, and a coil of copper wiring. At last, he found his flask.

"Tell me, friend Little John," he croaked. "Do you drink…booze?"

* * *

"And never again shall we see your face

But be my eyes yet dry

For I know that we will yonder meet

In that alehouse in the sky!"

Doc Brown and Little John finished their dirge and passed the flask back and forth again. They were now inside the car: Doc Brown behind the wheel, John stuffed into the shotgun seat. Both were rather drunk.

"Here's to you, Rob, you crazy son-of-a-gun," said John, tipping the flask and pouring the last few drops of whiskey onto the seat.

"You uncivilized ursus," hiccuped Doc. "This is a DeLorean!" They both chortled: the drunkard's laugh, wherein the laugh itself is both the source of hilarity and the response to it.

"Ah, Rob would've liked this," John said. "He'd want songs and laughter at his funeral. 'Course, I don't think he'd have expected it to be just me attending."

"It's not just you," said Doc solemnly. "I'm sure as word spreads, people all over the country side will be lifting their glasses to Robin Hood! To Robin Hood!" he repeated, trying unsuccessfully to coax more whiskey to fall from his flask.

"Yeah," said John. "To Robin Hood." His laughter had faded and his face fell back into melancholy. "I feel so darn guilty," he mumbled. "There's no reason why I should've survived today when everyone else fell."

"No reason," agreed Doc. "The hand of probability truly is as cold and merciless as zero degrees Kelvin."

"I just…I keep thinking about how they got the drop on us," John continued. "If only we had moved against the castle right away, we would have escaped most of those soldiers, and we knew about Sir Hiss' secret entrance…All wasted." He took off his green hat and blew his nose loudly. "Boy, I just wish we could do today all over again."

Doc Brown looked, even more than usual, like he had been struck by lightning. He gaped at John, then at the dashboard of the car, then back to John.

"Well, fuck me," he said. "What am I, an imbecile? Here I am, sitting in my own damn TIME MACHINE, wishing today had gone better."

Maniacally, he jumped out of the car, snatched a handful of leaves, and stuffed them into the Mr. Fusion power generator. He dove back in the car, twisted the key into the ignition, and stomped on the gas pedal.

"Whoa," said Little John as they accelerated. "You're driving this thing? Are you sure you can–"

"Little John, the thrill of temporal displacement and the pursuit of scholastic discovery are all the sobriety I need. Let me ask you this…what if we actually _could_ do today over?"

"What?"

"As soon as this baby reaches eighty-eight miles per hour, we'll generate a flux field that will take us back to–" (he punched in some numbers) "this morning!"

"What?"

"You see, while I was standing on a toilet, I designed a flux capacitor that could–"

"What?" said Little John.

"Never mind," sighed Doc. "All you need to know is that this is a magic chariot that will take us backwards in time."

"Okay," said Little John.

"We'll get a second chance to save Robin Hood, save the Merry Men, rescue Marty and bring down that scurvy Prince John!"

"Yyyyeah!" said Little John.

Over the grassy hills and dales they drove, swerving to avoid saplings, trying to gain momentum in uncertain terrain. Finally, Doc lost his temper. "Oh, what the hell," he snapped, and he cranked the wheel, taking the DeLorean onto a rocky ramp.

"Doc, you don't want to go down this path," yelled Little John. "There's a huge drop-off!"

"I'm counting on it," said Doc Brown, as they reached the edge of the precipice. The car launched off the cliff and plummeted towards the rocks below. Doc and Little John screamed as the car fell faster and faster.

Ten feet from the bottom, the DeLorean finally reached eighty-eight miles per hour, and disappeared with a flash of lightning.


	10. Chapter 10

**10**

Falling off a cliff, Little John decided, sure sobered a body up quick. He looked around in confusion. "Where are we?"

"We're still in Sherwood Forest," beamed Doc, "but it's no longer evening. It's this morning again! The Merry Men have just left the prison, and you and Robin Hood are about to meet them! We have gone back…to the past!"

Little John stared at him incredulously. Doc shrugged. "Like I said. It's a magic chariot."

"I didn't believe you," said Little John. He sniffed and took another look at the rising sun. "But it sure is morning. Are you sure we didn't just pass out?"

"There's no time to discuss this in committee," said Doc. He hopped out of the car and popped open the trunk. "You said you wished you had been at the jail in time to help Robin Hood. Well, now you can. Get a head start on him and meet him there. Two brave soldiers will have a better shot than one. And here," he continued, grabbing the bulging duffel bag from the trunk, "these always come in handy. Maybe we can meet up at the Prince's Castle…I'm going to try to convince the group to break in."

Little John still looked thunderstruck, but to Doc's relief, he didn't argue. "You're a crazy wizard, Doc, but you're my kind of crazy wizard." He shook Doc's hand, grabbed the bag and lumbered off with a determined gleam in his eye.

Past Doc Brown drove his DeLorean up to a grove of trees, and the somber passengers filed out.

"This is as close as I can drive to the hideout," Past Doc said. "I'm going to try and fix the hoverdrive so that we can fly again. Of course, since you're unlikely to have supplies of carbon boronium nearby, it's probably futile, but…"

He trailed off and looked regretfully at the directly from which they had come. Silently, Midge, Arthur, Will, and the three rescued prisoners left Past Doc behind and slipped into the forest. Past Doc watched them go and turned his attention to the crumpled hyperdrive panels.

"Don't be alarmed, don't panic!" came his own frantic voice. "It's me…I mean, it's you, from the future!" Past Doc looked up as Future Doc came running towards him, arms flailing.

"Emmett, I talked about this," said Past Doc. "It's too risky to keep interacting. We could be causing universe-ending paradoxes right and left!"

"Shut up and listen," said Future Doc. "I need you to take the children and that old Aardvark to Nottingham as fast as you can…the army's on the way."

"Great Scott!" said Past Doc. "And while I do…what will you be doing?"

"I'm going to be a Merry Man," said Future Doc.

* * *

In the forest not very far away, Sir Hiss was speaking.

"I can tell you a sssssssecret entrance into the cassssstle. From there, you can steal all the treasure you could ever dream of."

Arthur laughed. "Alright! Looked like I picked the right cell to spring."

Robin Hood admonished him with a look. "Is gold all that is important to you? For shame! We cannot think of treasure until those we love are freed from prison."

Suddenly, Future Doc burst into the gathering. "We need to move, now! Enemy troops are on the way! The prince is sending every one of his men to your base looking for you, so if you want to be dead, stay here. If, however, you want to take his entire supply of gold, now is the perfect time."

The Merry Men gawked at this sudden crazed intrusion. Then Midge spoke. "Why didn't you mention this when we saw you five minutes ago?"

"I just…had a vision!" improvised Future Doc, wishing that he was in a post-Enlightment time period where people understood what time travel was. "I'm magic and I have magic powers, that's how I get the car to fly, now can we please get going?"

"What about these two?" asked Arthur, gesturing to the kitten and the aged aardvark. "You don't expect _them_ to help siege the castle, do you?"

"Meow?" said Timmy the kitten, adorably.

"Of course not," said Doc. "My…identical twin will take them to safety. And Skippy, too."

"Aren't identical twins usually evil?" asked Will.

"I trust him with my life," said Doc. "He's a doctor, too."

The Merry Men exchanged glances. Finally, Little John spoke. "Well, alright, Doc, if time's as urgent as you say, let's get a move on."

"My original point still stands," snapped Robin Hood. "It is the prison to which I must attend, for it there that my…"

"Yes, yes, your Lady Love, destiny, this is a path you have to take, courage, true love, etcetera etcetera," said Doc impatiently. "Go and godspeed…but everyone else, follow me, before we get trapped here."

"I should go with him," mumbled Little John as Robin Hood departed. Doc shook his head.

"Little John, I have a feeling that in a way…you will be."


	11. Chapter 11

**11**

"This isss a good sssspot to park," Sir Hiss said.

They were all packed in the DeLorean: Future Doc, the Merry Men, and Sir Hiss. They had parted ways from Past Doc, Skippy, the kitten and the aardvark an hour ago and taken a long, circuitous route that avoided the oncoming royal army.

At last, around noon, they were in sight of the castle, which stood majestically by a wide river. Doc parked the car in the shade of the trees. The group spilled out of the car, stretching their legs. The castle, though visible, was still a long way off; the group was on the opposite side of the river.

"We couldn't have parked any closer?" said Arthur.

"Stealth, Arthur, stealth," said Midge. "I'd think you of all people would understand this."

The group walked quietly in the shade of the ash trees that lined the river bank.

"So what's the plan?" said Will. "With the army gone, I say we cut down one of these trees, make a battering ram and storm the front gate!"

"Please ressstrain yourself from sssuch foolhardy thoughtsss," said Sir Hiss. "The Prince may have sent the army away, but he's too much of a coward to send away his personal guardsssss. Besssssides, you have me here. I know a better way."

The river wrapped in an L shape around the castle, and the group continued alongside the water on a leafy trail. Finally, Hiss stopped slithering.

"There," he said, nodding his head across the river at a stone castle wall. It appeared to be no different than any other point.

"What exactly are we looking at?" asked Alan-a-Dale.

"There's a pipe that takessss the Prince's…ahem…waste out to the river. If we enter that way, we ssshall be completely undetected."

"You have got to me kidding me," said Arthur.

"_Now_ do you all want to make a battering ram?" asked Will hopefully.

"We should discuss this," said Doc Brown. A curious look had come into his eyes: a look of inspiration that had also preceded his invention of the flux capacitor and the edible toaster. The group, minus Sir Hiss, whispered in a circle for a few minutes. Then they turned to the snake.

"You're right," said Midge. "The front entrance would never work."

"It's got to be the back door," nodded Sir Hiss. "It will be tight, and it will be foul, but it will be worth it."

"Thus spake my Lady Love," grumbled Arthur. Midge hit him.

They cut long reeds from the river bank and constructed crude breathing apparatuses. Then, under the cover of the shade of the trees, the Merry Men submerged themselves and slowly walked along the mud of the river bed. At first, the challenge was to not let oneself float to the surface and become visible, to keep forcing the body down and trust that the reed would provide all the oxygen necessary.

As they reached the middle of the river and the water deepened, the challenge changed: it became hard to stretch the body enough to reach the air above, even with the long reeds. Alan, Midge, and Doc Brown, weak swimmers, began to struggle to keep their snorkels high enough. Eventually, all three found themselves clinging to Little John, who alone in the group was tall enough to walk through the depth of the river for the entirety of the journey.

At long last, they came to the side of the castle wall. Doc Brown, having had more than enough of breathing through a damp reed for one lifetime, kicked furiously and took a huge, shuddering breath as he reached the surface. The other, safe in the shadow of the great stone wall, did likewise.

"Here it isssss," said Sir Hiss. He angled his head toward a steel pipe, just above the surface of the water. A greenish-brown liquid was trickling out.

"Uggggggh, I hate everything," said Arthur. "Freedom and liberty and all the gold you could ever need had better be worth it."

Little John was the last of the group to crawl through the pipe and to climb out of the official royal commode. Fortunately for him, it was significantly larger than modern day toilets, a vast square stone tank with a wood panel stretched across it (which Will, leading the way, had helpfully punched through). After heaving his great bulk out, Little John sniffed at his matted fur and immediately wished he hadn't.

"This whole idea is ruddy disgusting," he said. "Why can't Princes just squat under a tree like everyone else?"

"You, ssssir, are a barbarian," sniffed Hiss. "This bathroom is the finest in Roman plumbing. It doesn't get any better than thissss." He coiled his body around a rusty water pump and pulled. The group gathered under the clean but frigid water to wash the filth from their fur, feathers and clothes.

"Actually," said Doc, "having everything go directly into the river like that is a major sanitation risk. It's evident that you have no concept of germ theory."

No one knew how to respond to that.

Leaving wet footprints behind them, the group tiptoed out of the bath house and down a long dark corridor. Torches lit the way, but Will put them all out with a pinch of his tough fingers; Midge could see in the dark just fine, and Hiss and Arthur relied on smell as much as sight. To Doc, however, the whole experience was fairly terrifying.

"Down this ladder," whispered Hiss, after several tense minutes of twists and turns. The group descended and found themselves in front of a mighty door.

"This is it?" asked Midge skeptically.

"Yessss," said Hiss, smiling. "Gold and richessss await."

Arthur procured his lock pick and got to work, while everyone else listened for footsteps above. Finally, the lock clicked. The vault swung open…

And revealed more treasure than Doc had ever seen in his life. There were golden statues, goblets, precious gems, jewelry, and piles and piles and piles of coins. "Breath-taking," he breathed. He picked up a coin. "Just one of these will generate so many gigawatts of electricity, it'll make your head spin!"

"You really did it, Hiss," said Midge. She picked a large golden horn and gave it to him. "We appreciate it."

"Well, as I ssssaid, I've changed my evil wayssss," Hiss replied. The group waited expectantly, but Hiss had nothing more to add.

Alan-a-Dale sighed. "Some days, you gotta do everything yourself." He grabbed the trumpet from Hiss and blew a single, piercingly-loud note.

Hiss's jaw dropped."What are you doing? What happened to sssssstealth?"

"Well, we're really sorry to have doubted you, Hiss, but we were pretty sure you were leading us into a trap," said Midge, as Alan-a-Dale honked and blared again. "Since you didn't, well, there was nothing left to do but trap ourselves."

"Are you mad?" wailed Hiss. Above, they could hear the sounds of running and shouting. "We'll all be hanged for ssssssssure!"

"We've got you covered, buster," said Little John. Then he yelled, in a cruelly accurate impression of Hiss's simpering voice, "HELP! Banditssss in the casssstle! Banditssss in the treasure room! Come quickly! Come quickly!"

Hiss was stunned into speechlessness, but all the Merry Men merely smiled, hands outstretched in surrender, as the Prince's guards came to put them in chains.


	12. Chapter 12

**12**

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

As the guards of Prince John hid, swatted or ran in circles, Robin Hood kicked in the front door of the barracks. He strode into the melee, hopping over weapons or prostrate rhinos as necessary but mostly unwavering in his course. None of the bees, of course, dared to sting him, and none of the guards could focus on anything but the onslaught of stingers. Robin Hood knelt at the Sheriff's still form and snatched the keys off his belt. Then he turned towards the staircase, preparing to climb the steps to the prison above.

"Rob!" a voice shouted. Little John, still carrying the duffel bag from Doc Brown, made his way through the chaos of bees and pachyderms. Robin Hood jumped.

"Little John? What are you doing here? I thought you had decided– OOF!" At this moment, Little John wrapped Robin Hood in an enormous hug that lifted the fox off the ground.

"Oodelally, but it's good to see you, Rob," said Little John, tears in his eyes. "You were right to come here. You're always right about mushy stuff like this."

"Well, thank you," said Robin Hood, a bit confused by the sudden outpouring of emotion. "Ahem…shall we proceed with our adventures before these buffoons clear out all the bees and notice we're here?"

"Sure," said Little John, beaming. "I'll lead the way."

The two friends bounded up the stairs. A crossbow bolt came ricocheting down, but Little John swatted it out of the air like a fly. The two reached the top, where two vulture guards stood waiting, one holding a spear in trembling hands, one furiously trying to reload his crossbow.

"None shall pass!" said the one with the spear.

"Bud, we're in kind of a hurry," said Little John. He set down the duffel bag, picked up the two birds, one in each paw, and tossed them to the side. The vultures picked themselves up, looked again at Little John, and wisely elected to run down the stairs.

"Here's the key," said Robin Hood.

"I'm on a roll, Robbo. I've got no time for keys," said Little John. He drew back a mighty paw and clobbered the door with all his strength. The locks broke like seashells, and as the door flew open, it collided with something standing against the wall on the other side of the doorway.

"OWW!" said a voice.

Robin Hood and Little John paused before entering. "Is someone hiding there?" Robin called.

"No!" said the voice.

"He is too!" yelled Friar Tuck, from inside his prison cell. "Robin Hood, watch out, it's Sir Biff of Tannen! He's going to try to stab you in the back as you come in!"

Rage filled Little John like it had never filled him before, for he realized that Biff was the ruffian who, in the original timeline, had killed his dearest friend. He leapt into the room and turned to the corner where the door had swung.

There was Biff, advancing with a dagger, but Little John smacked it out of Biff's hands like he was a bully relieving a toddler of an ice cream cone. Biff, cornered, tried his best to look scornful.

"What are you looking at, Butthead?"

"RRRRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR!" roared Little John. It was an earth-shaking, knee-trembling, creek-bubbling, grass-wilting dynamo of a roar, and it made Sir Biff of Tannen literally poop in his britches.

Biff dropped to his knees. "Oh jeez, I thought I just had to watch rabbits and squirrels and stuff like that…please don't eat me."

"EAT you?" asked John, almost forgetting his anger in his surprise. The other Nottingham prisoners giggled. Then, after a wink to Friar Tuck, John scrunched his face into a scowl. "You look like you might be good roasted over a spit."

"Here, Little John," said Robin Hood, using the keys to open a cell, out of which a young skunk scampered. "You can keep him in here while we prepare the marinade."

Little John picked up Biff by his shirt collar and tossed him in the vacant cell, then closed it with a click. Biff tried to sit on the cot, only to realize it smelled like skunk. It was also at this point he realized that his pants smelled like doody.

"Three cheers for Robin Hood and Little John!" said Friar Tuck, and the prison echoed with cheers as the two went from cell to cell, freeing all. When every cell was open, Robin placed a cheek to the door in the back, the door with thirteen locks.

"Marian?" he called softly.

There was a second when no one dared to breathe. Then the response came. "Robin?"

"Marian, my dear, is that you?"

"Robin, how it can be? They told me…"

"That I was dead? Marian, death itself could not stop me from reaching your door."

"Oh, Robin!"

There was another pause, then a different voice said, "I'm in here too! Just…hanging out."

"It's Marty!" said Robin Hood jovially. "Two birds with one stone, eh, Little John? Pardon the expression," he apologized to a nearby pelican. Robin Hood put a key in the first lock. "Let's get you both out of here."

In several minutes, they had unlocked all thirteen locks and Robin opened the door. Marian leapt into his arms with such intensity that she knocked him over, and the two rolled around the prison floor, laughing and crying and kissing. Little John, like most of the animals in the room, diverted his eyes and looked through the doorway at Marty, who was sitting on the bed, pulling on his socks.

"Heya, Marty."

Marty was staring at his socks as if they required all of his concentration.

"Sup," he replied. When the socks were on, he put on and laced his Reeboks with the same determined focus. Finally, he picked Walkman off the floor and put it in his vest pocket. Little John wasn't sure what his bright red skin coloration meant, but he suspected it was caused by his jubilation of being freed.

Robin Hood and Marian stood up, looking giddy with happiness. "What a glorious day!" said Robin Hood. "First, chancing to meet all of you here…"

"Then onward to the palace to depose that scurvy Prince John!" shouted Lady Kluck, and the prisoners cheered.

"Actually, as it happens," said Little John, "that battle may have already started. The rest of the Merry Men have left to sneak into the castle. If we hurry, we may be able to join them."

There was another cheer, and the mob moved towards the door that Little John had punched in. As they did, they seem to remember that there were still in a very high prison tower. "'Uh, Robin Hood, what can we expect to find at the bottom of the stairs?" asked Friar Tuck.

"Nothing too bad," laughed Robin Hood. "A swarm of bees, a bunch of angry guards…"

The crowd stopped. One of the rabbits piped up, "Is there any way to have that flying chariot come get us like you did before?"

"No such luck, little guy," said Little John. "Although, come to think of it, the Doc did give me a bag from the trunk of the car. He said there was something in it that would come in handy."

Marty looked up from the spot of the floor he had been staring at. "Was it my…was it a bright green and orange bag with the words '2015 Nike-Adidas Plus Pro' on it?"

"Well, I can't read," said Little John, "but those colors are right."

Marty looked out the window of the prison and grinned. "Yeah," he said, "those'll come in handy all right."


	13. Chapter 13

**13**

The Merry Men were marched into the Prince's throne room at spear point by eight fierce wolf guards. Prince John was hopping up and down on the seat of his throne, holding an enormous sword with both hands. His grin was big enough to eat an impala.

"AH ha! AH ha!" he laughed, as the Merry Men clustered in a bunch in front of him. "What a glorious day for me, the Invincible Prince! The famous Little John is in my grasp! And might you be the inventor of the flying chariot?" he asked Doc. "Sir Biff of Tannen told me to look for an old fool with white hair and 'crazy-person eyes'."

"That's me," confirmed Doc.

"Splendid, splendid!" said the Prince. "You shall be allowed to live. I do love a good gadget, heaven knows. The rest of you, of course, shall face my wrath. I sentence you to death, by beheading!"

The Prince turned to Sir Hiss, who had coiled up by the throne, watching the scene uncertainly. "And you, Hiss! All is forgiven! What an ingenious little trap you set for our friends! Welcome back to the luxuries of power."

"Thank you, ssssire," muttered Sir Hiss, not making eye contact.

"Now," said the Prince, rising in his chair and raising his sword high, "who wants to be the first to die? Surely one of you wants to sacrifice himself for your friends, like an IDIOT?"

"Wait, before you kill us," said Little John, as the group shuffled still closer together. "Why don't you tell us more about why you're a better king than your big brother?"

"Richard?" yelped the King. "Richard was such a goody-two shoes, always making gifts for mummy, always helping around the house. But did he ever tax a family of turtles so hard that they had to give up their shells? No! Did he ever commission a painting of himself beating Julius Caesar at arm wrestling? No! That was I! Look at me now, mother! I'm Invincible! I'm the next Charlemagne, the next Augustus, the…"

"Got it!" said Arthur. "Ok, PJ, you can stop your blabbering." The Merry Men stepped away from each other, and six pairs of handcuffs clattered to the floor, their locks expertly picked.

"What the deuce–" started Prince John, just as Sir Hiss lashed out and bit the monarch on the foot. All hell broke loose.

Will Scarlet dove onto a pile of guards before they had a chance to react. Midge grabbed the shaft of a spear, and spun the wolf at the other end around and around like a tetherball. Alan made a dash for the Prince's weapon chest and began tossing arms to his friends, as the Prince hopped around, trying to dislodge Hiss's teeth from his toe. Two wolf guards ran at Little John, but he sidestepped their spear points and slammed their heads together.

Doc was likewise being charged by a guard, but he felt less secure in his ability to defend himself. Instead, he ran around the circular room, screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaughh!" with the wolf in hot pursuit. On the third pass, Doc reached out a hand and yanked on a tapestry depicting Prince John parting the Red Sea. It felt with a thump, covering the pursuing guard like a net.

In the space of a minute, there was only one guard left conscious. Gripping his spear, he backed up against a painting. As he stood snarling, the picture of Julius Caesar began to move.

"Veni, vidi, vici," said the painted Caesar grandly, and he struck the last guard on the head, knocking him out cold. The colors that made up Caesar stepped away from the picture frame and turned back into Arthur's usual lizard green. Arthur could not resist taking another little bow when Midge laughed.

"That's some damn good camouflage," muttered Doc.

Prince John was finally able to kick off Sir Hiss, only to discover that he was surrounded by armed Merry Men. He crawled into his chair, whimpering.

"Time to abdicate, Phony King," said Alan-a-Dale. "Step down."

There was a second of hesitation. Then Prince John yelled, "NEVER!" and slammed a small button on his throne. The throne sprouted eight enormous mechanical legs that raised the Prince out of reach. Skittering like a spider, the giant throne-mobile lept over the baffled Merry Men, kicked open the throne room door, and disappeared from sight.

"After him!" yelled Will. The group followed the sound of metal feet clattering through the halls. They rounded a corner just in time to see the throne-mobile exit the castle through the wooden front gate like a bird going through a spider's web.

"Preposterous," panted Doc. "There is no way they would have had this sort of technology in the Middle Ages! Although…I suppose Rhinos aren't really native to England, either."

"We'll have to get back to the DeLorean," said Midge. "We'll never catch that thing otherwise."

"No," said Alan-a-Dale, pointing. "But they might have a pretty good chance."

The other followed the point of his feathery finger. Close behind Prince John's insectile throne-mobile were Robin Hood, Lady Marian, Future Little John, and Marty McFly.

All four were riding hover-boards.


	14. Chapter 14

**14**

The chase was on! Prince John's spider-walking throne-mobile skittered across the landscape as Marty, Robin Hood, Little John and Marian pursued on their hover-boards. As the throne-mobile began to pull ahead, Robin Hood drew his bow and fired an arrow with a rope tied around it. The arrow pieced the underbelly of the machine, sticking fast. Grinning, Robin began to pull himself forward, closing the gap.

The Prince, feeling the impact, turned around in his chair. He shook his furry fist at Robin Hood and twisted his steering wheel sharply to the left. Robin Hood was whipped around, his legs flying sideways, but he managed to maintain a grip on the hover-board with his feet. Snarling, the Prince steered his contraption towards the trees of Sherwood Forest, hoping to smash his land-skiing passenger.

The throne-mobile wove through pine trees, forcing Robin to jump, duck, or twist out of harm's way every few seconds. After a particularly near miss with a gnarled stump, he put the rope in his teeth and fired another arrow with a rope around it. When it stuck as well, Robin now had two cords attaching himself to the Prince's vehicle and was able to steer himself with more success.

Though the Prince's path through the woods made things difficult for Robin Hood, it did give the other three hover-boarders a chance to catch up. On their narrow boards, they were able to maneuver through the foliage with more ease than the Prince's gargantuan contraption. When the Prince spotted Marty, the most accomplished of all the boarders, in his peripheral vision, he gave a little gasp, and turned his vehicle towards a gap in the underbrush that led to an open meadow. The spider-walker crashed into the sunlight, and Prince pushed a lever that sent the craft to its maximum speed.

As the Prince sped through the meadow, Robin Hood pulled himself close enough to jump from his hover-board onto the back of the throne-mobile. His hands caught the back of the chair, though his legs and tail were jostled by the churning mechanical legs. As the craft bobbed up and down, Robin tried to climb to the side of the throne, where the Prince was.

But the Prince heard the scrape of claws on metal and turned around, drawing his sword. Robin Hood, seeing a flicker of movement above him, let go with one hand and swung his body sideways, just as a great sword strike came down from above him. With his one remaining hand, Robin Hood pulled himself over the chair and flipped onto the seat next to Prince John. He had no sword of his own.

"ROBIN HOOD!" screamed the Prince, trying to stab his foe with a thrust.

Robin Hood spun out of the way of the attack and grabbed the hilt of the sword, trying to wrest it away from the monarch. At last, Robin pried it from the Prince's grip. Prince John, suddenly terrified, fell to his knees on the padded cushion of the throne.

"Wait! Please don't hurt me! I'll give you anything you want!"

Robin Hood pointed the sword at the trembling tyrant but found he could not hurt him. It was not in his nature to attack an unarmed foe, even one as repellant as Prince John. "All I want is for you to leave this–"

Suddenly, the speeding throne-mobile hit a bump, and flew into the air. Robin Hood, who had been standing, was thrown from the seat and fell into the grass. Prince John, on the other hand, had been kneeling, and thus was able to grab onto the arm-rests and stay on the vehicle. His terrified expression was replaced by one of smugness. He looked back and saw that Robin Hood, now on foot, was falling far behind.

"AH ha!" laughed the Prince. "I have defeated the great Robin Hood in hand-to-hand combat! I, Prince John the Invincible! I defeated Robin Hood!"

"Congratulations," came a voice. Prince John looked down and saw Marty McFly, balancing on his hover-board, holding on to the front of the throne-mobile. Marty smiled. "_I_ just defeated your steering wheel. Feels good to win a fight, doesn't it?"

Prince John gasped. His entire control panel – steering wheel, acceleration, brakes – was now a smoking piece of wreckage. "You…you…you…"

Marty reached into his vest pocket and put on a pair of sunglasses. "You've just been terminated." With that, he pushed himself away from the throne-mobile and coasted to a stop.

Prince John pounded on his shattered control panel, but nothing he did affected the momentum or direction of his speeding throne-mobile. As he pressed broken buttons and levers, he noticed that he was approaching a dark mountain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Prince John as he crashed into an enormous pile of manure.

Marian hover-boarded over to her uncle, who, dazed and befouled, was extricating himself from the waste and the broken machinery that surrounded him. Marian pushed herself closer and drew a sword.

"Uncle, you have been defeated. Your days of terrorizing this land are over."

The Prince tried to stand, but slipped and fell back down in the manure. "You just wait, young lady! Soon my army will be here, and then they'll put you back behind bars."

Sure enough, Marian saw in the distance the royal army descending a hill from the north. At the same time, she realized, a huge mass of people were arriving from the opposite direction. She squinted her eyes, for it looked like a number far beyond their usual pack of outlaws.

"We'll see," she said. "It might be time for some renegotiation. Until then," and here she put the blade of the sword against his throat, "sit tight, uncle."

The two throngs arrived at the same time. There were the elephants, rhinos, wolves and vultures of the Prince's army, led in formation by a bee-stung Sheriff and a sneering Sketchy the Weasel. On the other side was not only Robin Hood, Little John, and Marty, but also Future Doc and the Merry Men, all those that escaped from the prison, and what looked like nearly the whole population of Nottingham, carrying pitchforks and torches. In the back of the crowd, Past Doc Brown and the old aardvark were smiling– it was they who had incited the townsfolk to at last raise their voices.

"Down with the Prince!" yelled Friar Tuck.

"He locked up our little boy Timmy!" roared two ferocious-looking tigers.

"Stay back!" yelled Sketchy the Weasel. "It's important in these times to stay loyal…"

"SILENCE!" bellowed Marian in a voice that was quite a departure from her usual shy soprano. The crowds, stunned, obeyed. Marian pressed a button on the hover-board, and it lifted up into the air. She looked around at the stunned crowd and raised her sword high.

"My name is Lady Marian. I have spent the last two months in prison. I committed no crime, just like most of those locked up with me; we were there solely by the whims of one man."

"This man you see before you, filthy and stinking. But it is not the manure that gives this land its true stench. It is the stink of poverty, from the Prince's hoarding and greed. It is the stink of injustice, as the good, honest people of Nottingham languish behind bars. It is the foul, contemptible smell of a man who would use even small children as pawns in his selfish game."

"Lady, you can't say–" began Sketchy the Weasel, but a rhino reached out an arm and pounded Sketchy into the ground like a hammer driving in a nail. A cartoonishly large bump arose on Sketchy's head and small canaries circled around him, whistling.

"Shut up, pea-brain. I wanna hear this," said the rhino.

"John would claim his power by birthright," Marian continued, "by his kinship to my uncle, the true king Richard. But I say that because of his corruption, his cruelty, and his avarice, John is no true kin of mine, nor of Richard's. Hence, by birth and by virtue, I have decided to rule in his stead. Until King Richard returns from his travels, I shall serve as Ruler and Protectorate of the Realm. I vow to keep our land safe, prosperous, and free."

She turned to the royal army. "If you pledge me an oath of fealty, your service to this loathsome phony king will be forgiven. If you think you can serve under the leadership of my husband, whom I plan to install as our new Sheriff, we will welcome you." She lowered the point of your sword. "If, however, you want to fight for this imposter, you will have to come through me." She looked at the villagers of Nottingham. "And there may be other brave souls who are ready for the end of tyranny as well!"

The townsfolk and Merry Men let out an enormous cheer and raised their pitchforks, swords, and torches. There was a moment of hesitation amongst the royal guards. Then, as one, they dropped to their knees. The townsfolk and Merry Men did likewise, and from the kneeling throngs came up a great cheer.

"Long live Queen Marian! Long live Queen Marian!"

Little John glanced over at Marty, who was staring at Marian after her passionate speech. "Son," said Little John, concerned, "do you have your dagger or something stored in your pants pocket? That's really not a safe place to put it!"

"Guards," Marian said, pointing to Sketchy, the Sheriff, and the bewildered Prince John, "arrest these ruffians."

Several elephants stepped forward at once to clap the scoundrels in chains.

"You can't do this to me!" said Prince John as he was hauled off. "I'm the KING! I'm Invincible!"

Marian pressed another button and floated back down to earth. She hopped off the hover-board and into the arms of Robin Hood.

"Darling," he said, "that was quite a speech."

"Oh, my dear Robin," she replied demurely, "I had a lot of time to practice it."


	15. Chapter 15

**15**

_Night follows day and day follows night and it's daytime again in the land of Nottingham. The very afternoon of the Great Prison Breakout and the Great Prince Throne-mobile Chase, we threw a lovely coronation ceremony where we made Marian the Protectorate of the Realm and Robin Hood the new Sheriff of Nottingham. _

_The old Sheriff, well, we figured he could share a cell with that no-good-nik Sir Biff of Tannen, him and Sir Sketchy and ol' Prince John. I'll tell you what, though. You go visit them, you best bring some nose-plugs 'cause it is **ripe** in that old tower._

_At the coronation ceremony, Lady Marian talked a long time about how things were gonna be different. She said that Marty (Sir Marty now, after she knighted him) had told her about all sort of things while they were cellmates and given her good ideas on how to run the kingdom. _

_Sir Marty talked a little bit about what he called the "Magma Carter" and "the electric college" and how we should all vote who we want running things. He also said that since the last king taxed so bad, we should never pay taxes again, because taxes were "lame sauce." That last part sounds a little fiscally irresponsible to me, but what would an old rooster know?_

_But you probably don't want to hear about the coronation as much as the big party that followed it. I played music, Will Scarlet prepared a feast for everyone, and we all danced until late in the night. Played all the old favorites like "The Phony King of England" and "The Beowulf Boogie," of course, but also some new ones that I wrote up in honor of our guests, Sir Marty Mick Fly-Rock-Star and the twin Doctors, Emmett and Schmemmett Brown. Boy, did we dance. It's much easier to dance when you're a free soul, I reckon. Oodelally!_

_Oh, and Marty tried playing some fast music on my lute. I wasn't much sure what to think of it, but he assured me that my kids would love it._

The highlight of the dance floor was, to everyone gathered, the extraordinary synchronization of the pair of "twins": the two Doc Browns and the two Little Johns. Seemingly without trying, the two Docs always struck the exact same dance moves, and the Little Johns did likewise. The Nottinghamians cheered and applauded whenever the different temporal versions of Doc, driven by the same instincts, broke into the same spins, bobs, and jumps.

"Now play 'The Bear and the Maiden Fair'!" cried Arthur to Alan-a-Dale, and the rooster started playing a fast new tune. The animals joined hands together and spun in a complicated group dance. Then, at the chorus, everyone broke off and found a partner. Past Little John found Lady Kluck, Future Little John found Will Scarlet, Arthur found Midge (through some pushing and shoving, the other animals noted), and since Robin Hood was presently teaching Skippy the proper way to shoot an arrow, Marian ended up dancing with Marty.

At first, they said nothing all, content merely listening to the notes of the lute. Then Marian asked, "Is it true you're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yep," said Marty. "It's been great and all, but I'm ready to be back in a place where there's MTV."

"I'm sorry that everything ended so suddenly," said Marian, and Marty knew that she wasn't talking about his sudden departure. "It wasn't really fair to you. I shouldn't have assumed…what I assumed."

"It's cool," said Marty. "I'm doing great. I'm fine. I'm tubular."

"This is maybe not helpful for me to say," Marian whispered in his ear as the song came to a close, "but if it would have been anyone else besides Robin…"

"I'm gonna go talk to Doc," interrupted Marty. "Peace out, your highness." He put his sunglasses on again and strolled off but nearly tripped over a family of possums, as it was growing dark out. He approached Future Doc and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Doc! Way to save the day!"

"Nonsense, Marty. You're the one who stopped the Prince from escaping! All I did was a bit of…logistical planning."

"Doc, I have a question."

"Ah, yes. Hmmm. I believe I am wondering the exact same thing."

"I kind of doubt that," said Marty, as he watched Marian dance.

"You're no doubt wondering, why is everything in the universe slowly disappearing?"

"What?" Marty took off his sunglasses and looked around. It was true…the trees, sky, and animals were all gradually becoming translucent. The color seemed less vibrant and the outlines less distinct. Only Marty, the Past and Future Doc Browns, and the Past and Future DeLoreans seemed to be exempt from the fading.

"Damn," said Past Doc, walking over. "I _knew _we'd cause a universe-ending paradox!"

"Yes, but why?" mulled Future Doc. "Is it because there's two of us? If so, does one of us have to die? If so, how best to decide? Rock, paper, scissors surely won't work…"

"Docs! You better figure this out quick!" said Marty. "I mean, we can't just wipe out all these people!"

There was a scary moment, as the Nottinghamians grew and more transparent and the music faded to a muted buzz. Suddenly, the two Docs jumped.

"Eureka!" they shouted in unison.

"This entire timeline is possible," said Future Doc, "because this evening, Little John and I went back in time to save our friends. Well, now it's evening again, and nobody's going back in time!"

"Great Scott," said Past Doc. "It's my turn to go back to this morning!"

"Precisely!" agreed Future Doc. "Just do everything I did! Find your past self and give him instructions, then take the Merry Men to the castle…"

"I'm you," said Past Doc impatiently. "I know just what to do. Where's Past Little John?"

It was hard to see in the increasingly misty world, but finally they found a pale, ghostly bear.

"Little John, quick!" said Future Doc. "What did you do this morning?"

"Doc?" said the bear, his voice sounding muffled and distant. "I was with you, breaking into the castle. Don't you remember?"

"It's the right one!" exclaimed Past Doc Brown. "The Little John who has not yet traveled back in time! Quick, my friend, into the DeLorean!"

"I don't know," said Past Little John. "I'm a little drunk."

"Me too," admitted Past Doc.

"That's perfect!" said Future Doc, filling the Mr. Fusion generator with a sock from his left foot. "We were also drunk! It's important to keep everything exactly the same! But quickly, before the universe disappears!"

"It's been real, Doc Brown," said Past Doc Brown, wryly. Then he got inside. The Past DeLorean drove off quickly, speeding faster and faster until it disappeared with a flash of lightning.

"Hold your breath," Doc told Marty, unnecessarily. There were two seconds of stillness, when everything around the time-travelers faded completely to white. Then, abruptly, the world was restored, in full and vibrant color. None of the animals seemed to have any idea that anything unusual had just happened.

"They did it! They saved the day…again!" said Marty.

"What a relief. Paradox averted." said Doc. "Although on the second trip through time, I think I banged my knee on something. Clumsy oaf!" He rubbed his knee, scowling.

"Marty, I think you had wanted to ask me something before the world started ending. What was it?"

"Oh yeah," said Marty, reverting his eyes back to Marian. "I wanted to know, Doc, um…when you're talking to the people here, and they're talking back, do you ever forget that they're…or do you ever start thinking of them as…or you stop caring that they're…"

He seemed to have difficulty completing his sentence. "Geez, Doc, I don't know. This is kind of embarrassing."

"You can tell me anything," said Doc and Marty smiled. "Besides," continued Doc, "there's no way it can be more embarrassing than that time that you made out with your own mother."

Marty's smile disappeared. "Jesus Christ, Doc, how many times are you gonna keep bringing that up?"

He stormed off. "Forget I said anything."

The next morning, an enormous crowd gathered in the meadow (which was henceforth known as the Meadow of the Poopy Prince) to bid the time-travelers farewell. They threw confetti and played trumpets, and even the intense hangovers of Marty and Doc couldn't ruin the joyful mood. As Doc loaded the DeLorean's Mr. Fusion generator with a handful of gold coins, Little John, Robin Hood and Marian stepped forward to say goodbye.

"Are you sure you have to go?" asked Little John, giving both men an enormous hug.

"Little John, it's been wonderful, but if you had ever been to the United States in 1985, you'd understand that it is an era unparalleled in culture and progress," said Doc Brown. "Our place is there, and our time is then."

Robin Hood shook their hands firmly. "I shall never forget you."

"Nor I," said Marian, smiling at Marty.

"Don't leave yet!" yelled Midge, pushing her way through the crowd. She, Arthur, and Will shoved Biff Tannen over to the DeLorean.

Arthur gave Marty and Doc an enormous grin. "We brought you a going away present."

"We cleaned him up good," said Will. "So's to not muck up your car. But we figured he should be with his own kind, scoundrel that he is."

"I guess so," said Marty. "But I call shotgun. Also, backseat. Biff, looks like the trunk is free."

"You're _all_ Buttheads!" said Biff, but he took his place in his trunk.

Robin Hood felt his forehead. "Apparently, we all have butts for heads. Good to know. Gentlemen, surely your parting words will be more poetic?"

Doc smiled at the Merry Men. "Don't let the appallingly superstitious atmosphere of Medieval England discourage you from the thrill of scientific discovery!"

"I'll let my rad music speak for me," said Marty, popping a tape into the DeLorean tape deck.

"I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might," howled R.E.O. Speedwagon.

"Damn it," said Marty, popping out the tape, as Marian suddenly dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Wrong tape." He switched tapes and suddenly the voice of Huey Lewis carried across the field.

"That's the power of love, sang Huey Lewis.

The crowd cheered and cried as the DeLorean sped off. Marty waved out the window until all the animals were outside of sight. Then he sat back in the seat.

"Boy, Doc, I'll be glad to be home."

"Well, for your sake, Marty, I hope we end up there. Honestly, though, it might be kind of a crap shoot."

"What?" said Marty. "Are you telling me we don't know where we're going?"

"Don't know where, don't know when!" said Doc Brown, jubilantly. "But that's the beauty of the multiverse! Ah, the thrill of discovery! Come on, Marty, cheer up! When universes collide, there's no telling what will happen!"

As Doc Brown finished his stirring and unintentionally meta comments, the DeLorean hit eighty-eight miles per hour and vanished from the idyllic English country-side with a blinding flash of lightning.

**The End**


End file.
